One year ago today, I wrote the entry below:
Dear Baby Yet to Be Conceived
Another blog (Today's Letters) had inspired me to do this. They are a husband-wife team who write each other a short letter or note each day to strengthen their communication in their marriage. Writing my letter established communication with a child we did not yet know, and it made the vision of becoming a parent--whether it be through our own pregnancy or through adoption--feel palpable. At the time, Michael was still working the night shift at the hospital. So with no one other than Mojo in the house to talk to, I just decided to stay up late and write the letter.
Wouldn't you know, just an hour after writing it and right before falling asleep, I started my period. It felt like a terrible, twisted joke. I knew there would be a child in our future, but it was as if my body was telling me that it was not going to be the one to grow our baby. After all, we were on our fifth month of hormone therapy after having already tried to get pregnant for 14 months before that. There had been no progress, so the hope for a child of our flesh and blood was slowly waning.
I cried myself to sleep that night. And since Michael was at work, I'm pretty sure I broke the "no Mojo in the bed" rule, too.
Little did I know, it would be my last cycle. Michael and I found out we were pregnant on 16 February 2011. Our pregnancy, labor, and delivery were extremely healthy and successful. Our baby girl is almost 3 months old and is growing beautifully.
Now when I read the letter I wrote a year ago, I replace "Baby Yet to Be Conceived" with "Mallory". It's as if the letter was meant for her, as if the next-in-line gamete waiting to drop out of my ovaries had her name written all over it.
So here are my two very short letters to reflect my mommy emotions today...
You're here, you're ours, and you're beautiful. Thank you for blessing us with everything that you are.
Your Mommy and Daddy
Thanks for actually working. We like what we got out of you. Shall we try this again in 2-3 years?