Today, I was slated for my first ultrasound. No, there's not a bean or a peanut or some other cute name people give their fetuses in my womb for ultrasound detection. My NP simply wanted me to come in for the test to see if my follicles were responding to the new fertility medications.
Not going to lie--I was a little heartbroken over the idea that my first sonogram would not be one where we would ogle a tiny in-utero human. But after having endured the same needle-in-the-arm hormone test each month, I figured this differential might render a more accurate diagnosis. I scheduled the ultrasound for 4:00 today, along with my follow-up pap at 4:30 since the last one they performed turned out abnormal. I planned to leave school around 3:00 to make it on time.
Speed Bump #1: The original appointment for the pap was supposed to be last week, but was rescheduled to today because the NP had been asked to attend a conference out of town at the last minute.
Silver lining: At least I could knock out two appointments in one day by rescheduling!
Speed Bump #2: The NP called this past Wednesday to request that I come for an earlier appointment because she had to leave the office by 3:30. She wanted to know if I could be there at 3:15. The educator in me agreed through gritted teeth. I would have to leave my students before the end of the school day, taking away precious learning time when we just lost a week due to the snow.
Silver lining: Both appointments would still happen without rescheduling to another day!
Speed Bump #3: Here's where I came THISCLOSE to losing my cool in a very public way:
[My cell phone rings on the way to the doctor's office AFTER I have left work early and sent my students to other classrooms.]
Receptionist: Is this Victoria Wynne?
Me: Sure is.
Receptionist: Mrs. Wynne, we were calling to inform you that our doctor has left for the day due to an emergency C-section. I know he was supposed to see you for the ultrasound, but he will be unable to perform it. And since you were supposed to see the NP for a pap, we figured you would just want to reschedule everything and come in next Friday for that, plus the regular progesterone tests you have been receiving.
Me: [taking a breath so deep, only the circumference of my bra could stop my lung expansion] I'm already on my way. I had to make special arrangements to leave work early from clear on the other side of Winder to make this appointment.
Receptionist: Just how close are you?
Me: Five minutes.
Receptionist: I guess you'll want to go ahead and have the pap performed then?
Me: Well, I didn't come all this way to merely entertain the idea of swabbing my nether regions.
Receptionist: We will see you in just a few minutes then.*sigh*
*chew on bottom lip*
Silver lining: ???
I drove pissed. I walked into the office and signed in pissed. I sent a text message to a co-worker pissed. I read the novel in my purse pissed. I dared not talk to anyone. Anyone within earshot was likely to be a victim of the ugly word bombs sitting on the edge of my tongue. I wasn't mad because the doctor wouldn't be able to perform the ultrasound. A woman somewhere in Athens was on the edge of giving birth, and he was rushing across town to help bring her bundle into the world. Bless him for being dedicated to his patients.
It was the idea that not a one of the nurses or technicians he left behind were capable of performing it themselves. Sure, they could make me undress from the waist down, shine a light where it doesn't normally, and root around for samples. But there is no one in the office who can run the transducer across my jellied abdomen? I guess this is where there's a gap in my understanding of medical training…
My anger and frustration began to diffuse when my favorite nurse in the office, Patty, walked me back to the patient room. She apologized right and left as she set out empty laboratory containers and sterile dressing gowns. An honest apology will (almost unfailingly) crack my hardened exterior of emotions just enough to start that cool down process. Sure enough, Patty's words got through. I wasn't going to die or go bald or spontaneously grow a wart on my butt cheek. At the worst: I would have to wait until next month to have the ultrasound performed. Anger sulked out of the room and Acceptance settled in.
So I did what I needed to do in order to get what business could be done: undressed, smothered my bare feet in aloe-scented Germ-X I found on the counter (they were really sweaty from being in my Chucks all day), engaged in pleasant small talk with my NP, endured another test at the doc's, etc. I even scheduled another appointment for next Friday to have my progesterone levels checked yet again. Woo-hoo, needles! :-\
Did I ever find that silver lining? Of course I did. Today was not the end of my journey toward parenthood.